My Ultimate Reset

**Flashback**

"I fondly recall the days where I could slide those size 2 jeans on like they were cut just for me, the button easily snapped closed, and there was even room to spare. Now putting on jeans involves a small team of polymer engineers and at least two crane operators. The laws of physics are firmly tested and subsequently defied each time I manage to pull denim over these thighs. Once I manage to actually get them buttoned, I have to wait at least 15 minutes before attempting to breathe or walk up a flight of stairs. After it all settles (by 'it' I mean all the extra skin, fat, and cellulite that adorns my body), I cover what I can with an oversized sweater and then live in an overly aggressive state of self-consciousness until I am able to get myself back into a sassy pair of sweatpants and hide within the confines of my own home until daylight strikes again."

Present Day

So yea, I wrote that shit over 11 months ago...you know what I've done since then to fix it? Yep, nottafugginthing. In fact, I got fatter. If I strip down right now, I can point out which cellulite dimples are from all the Kit Kats I stole from my sons trick or treat bag or the ice cream that I buy "just for my husband" and secretly pig out on when he leaves for work. I heart shitty food. Strike that, I actually eat great all day...but then the night rolls in. I'm like a werewolf, but more like a pig. And I don't need a full moon to release my inner pig, any moon will do.

I am at the point in my life where I have to tuck my stomach into my pants. 

Really, I just tuck that shit right in.

What now?

In the past I've written about working out (something that I used to do EVERY FRIGGIN DAY!) and I just can't muster up the willpower to do it. I've started and stuck to things for a week or two, then fallen right back. I've managed to lose and gain the same friggin ten pounds all year. But now I need to make a real change. 

The Ultimate Reset

I've read about Beachbody's Ultimate Reset for a while now, never really able to spend the money on it. But it seemed like something that would be worth it, if I could afford it. Over the last year I've developed gnarly acid reflux, like wicked gnarly. I've never had that before, which no doubt means my copious layers of lumpy grossness are to blame...the shit that I continue to shove in my gourd probably isn't helping either. This program is rumored to reduce acidity and contribute to better digestion, something I desperately need. It is also, essentially, 'resets' your system...bringing you back to a healthy place. I clearly need that too. And rumor has it I could lose a couple pounds along the way. Win-friggin-win if you ask me. 

So I caved, I figure the shit that I'm doing isn't doing me any favors, and my health is pretty damn important. I bought the Reset and a sack of vegan Chocolate Shakeology. My kickoff date is December 1st...here's hoping I get back to where I was...or even better.