Monday Schmunday

Around 7:15 this morning, as I'm mindlessly slapping peanut butter on to a slice of bread and wondering where the hell the jelly is, Matt Lauer's gaggle of know-it-alls start talking about Blue Monday and how it's the most depressing day of the year - replete with divorce filings, shitty weather, and bad attitudes. To say I was shocked would probably classify as the understatement of the year (fortunately, the year just started, leaving plenty of time for much more galling understatements).

A whole day of shittiness??

As the gaggle droned on, I labored over every word. Okay, not really, I pretty much just listened as best I could over the wails of my sons mercilessly beating each other over which Lego guy was cooler. (For the record, the Ninjago guy with the gold sword came out on top.) Nevertheless, the takeaways from the Today Show bit was that 'Blue Monday' is the spawn of a compilation of dreadful things, such as the inherent hatred of Mondays, combined with debt (most likely stemming from the holidays or the complete failure of the American economic system, but whatever, we're not keeping score), poor weather, acceptance that your New Year's resolutions are inevitably going to fail, and a bunch of other crap that is equally depressing. 

This description of Blue Monday begs the question..."How the fuck is this any different from yesterday?"

Every major media outlet in the nation is reminding you of your neverending debt, the ceaseless barrage of winter weather, and how you seamlessly fucked up every New Year's Resolution you've ever had, all first thing on Monday morning - Blue friggin' Monday indeed. Thanks for the reminder! I pretty much had forward knowledge of what sucks in life without Matt Lauer and his team of whiz kids over at NBC rubbing it in my face. If I heard this news story yesterday, it would've been Blue Sunday. So what's with the headline?

Looks like it's about to get deep in here

According to our neuroscientist friend, Dean Burnett, over at The Guardian, "The "Blue Monday" phenomenon is based on the claim that there is an equation that takes into account numerous variables that negatively influence people's mood and calculates that the most depressing day of the year is the third Monday in January." Well, fuck, it's the first Monday - I'm calling bullshit! 

Not to be outdone by mathematical whatevers, the geniuses behind an energy drink company have trolled millions of tweets which, after serious analysis, shows today as the day full of the most depressing tweets. (No clue on what 'serious analysis' actually is). Furthermore, a web divorce service says its busiest day of the year for divorce filing is today. To be honest, I find this statistic the least bit surprising - you're lucky if you make it through the holidays in one piece, you should be proud of yourself if, after it all, your marriage is still in tact. Not only that, isn't everyone trying to shed some weight in the new year? No one ever asks what weight it is that they're trying to lose, a useless and ever-so-stinky husband perhaps, maybe your slutbag whore of a wife?

                                                                                    In the end - who cares?

Zero amounts of science have ever backed up this shitty claim. My debt will be the same tomorrow, if not more (thanks a lot interest rates). The weather is probably going to suck for a while (yay winter, hooray climate change). And I made it through most of the day without filing for divorce; that may change once I get home or maybe my husband already has, but I'm pretty sure we'll be fine. Ultimately - what the fuck ever Blue Monday. I'm more worried about Terrible Tuesday, when the Mouth returns to the office. I'm genuinely looking forward to hearing all her opinions about everything and everyone. Can't wait til Shut the Fuck up Friday!