Punching the throat puncher...

As far back as I can remember, 
Okay, I should just stop right there, cause I’m a huge liar….

As far back as two years ago, I started (intended) to write this blog. In my head I was witty and creative, so much so that I had amassed a wildly growing population of blog lovers who followed me everywhere, and at times even carried me on their shoulders, cheering my inherent awesometicity. I was legitimately the coolest person I had ever thought of…and I can feel you being jealous of me right now, even at your thought of how amazing I had become.

Suffice it say, I created this page and subsequently life got in the way. It’s kind of ironic really, because that is what I intended upon writing about…

Then, right around Christmas time 2011, I was forwarded a link to a blog written by a woman who was about to become my first ever arch-nemesis. The feeling was invigorating, I’ve never had a nemesis before, it was exciting to have finally found one.

Needless to say, this bitch stole my idea, she crawled into my head and ripped it out…I needed to know how she found me. I immediately enlisted the support of all my invisible connections and nonexistent resources, determined to figure this whole debacle (yes, debacle) out.

I started my counter-intelligence operation without delay, I decided to ‘like’ the blog on Facebook, and feverishly stalk her web page (this didn’t really happen). It turns out, we have no common ties, or she just did one hell of a job covering her tracks. I’m sticking with the latter.

Then, I thought, maybe the government was involved. Maybe I was a valuable asset and needed to write a blog, but because I was so valuable, they channeled another person to write it through my thoughts. In fact, that had to be it. The government had a puppet blogger, operating through my thoughts…

But wait, if that is the case, then my arch-nemesis is myself.

Crap.

*Disclaimer: Throat punch connoisseur, Kansas Jenny (a name that no one calls her), is part genius, part totally human momma. She set out to do something that I really wish I could have done a long time ago – make people laugh at the utter insanity/ridiculousness that is life and put the shit part of things into perspective. Unfortunately for me, I’m part totally human momma, part control freak, and am too busy reigning order over my surrounding environment. (Controlling the universe isn’t as easy as one would think). So, this will probably be the last thing I post on here, but Kansas Jenny, you motivated me to write. You motivated me to write about you and how stinkin’ cool you are. But wait, if I’m writing about how cool you are, then I’m actually writing about myself and how cool I am. Ah, now it all makes sense...